Tim Burke presents his case

Just before I contact my lawyers, I thought I would give you fellows the opportunity to make restitution. Here's why...

Where was my #$%&ing invitation to the party! (Hey what's wrong with my keyboard, every time I write $!%& or $#!& it comes out like *&$%!)

This is a clear case of discrimination against colonials, racisim I say! Or perhaps its a case of ageism, as I am in fact almost exactly 10 years younger than Ian? Or is is a case of hiruteism as I couldn't grow a set of lambchops like that when I was married?

I suspect though it was comedic discrimination, as it has been demonstrated on at least two occasions that I am funnier than Ian. To whit, I clearly won the 'joke-off' at the Novotel Darling Harbour, and to my knowledge Ian has never dropped a man to the ground with a joke. See?

Alright, now that I've vented some, perhaps there were some valid reasons for my exclusion (apart from the geography thing)...

Ian does have a bigger heart than me,
He has two beautiful daughters where I only have one,
His (sort-of) ex-colleagues love and respect him greatly,
His customers are touched by him (emotionally I mean)
He lives in God's own countryside,
He gives thoughtful gifts, loves children and horseys, tells enchanting stories, is loyal to his friends, spreads warmth and humour around the world, and, and, oh dear, I'm making myself all misty-eyed now...

Regardless, you WILL be hearing further from me!

Perhaps if you could arrange for Ian to wish me happy 50th and happy 25th wedding anniversary this year I could be persuaded not to press charges.

(Happy Birthday Ian, you deserve it.)

Tim